Not So Empty Nest Days

Cherishing the days past while moving towards the days ahead, BHG

Hard Battles (and Choosing Them)

on June 26, 2013

There is a song that solidifies where I am at this point. Tenth Avenue North is an awesome singing group!! I love how plain and necessary their words are! How they seem to relate to what’s going on with me personally although I know they didn’t write each song about just me. Do you feel that way about a song? I call those battle or storm songs. Even have a place on my dumbPhone for them. Well their song Worn is where I’m at.

I began writing this post in June, at the height of the issues with my son and just could not go any further than the first sentence. A lot has happened since then. I’ve several break downs with GOD about my kids and pleading for Him to “make it or them right.” The most recent battle has been a spiritual one for my kids…. It seems I’m being tag teamed against because one will just get over something or seem to be okay and another one will act a fool… so to speak, of course! There were even a few moments when I wondered why they were given to me or cried about my failures when they were little (wrote a post about that earlier). I am seeing that this road to adulthood is marked and paved with non announced construction, forks in the road, dips, hills, valleys and even some deep potholes. I am sure we have had several “flat tires” during this journey but after tending to it, our Driver seems to keep right on going! There have been pit stops where at least one child has decided they don’t want Him as a Driver anymore and wanted to take on their own course and drive themselves because of a relationship. *Sigh* Or another who can’t seem to develop that rapport with our Driver or anyone that He sends to help or fellowship with us on this “train”. And of course my trio wouldn’t be complete without the child who is stubborn, determined to do it their own way when they are old enough! Goodness!! It seems the ride inside has been as bumpy as the road! Oh the sickness that has been on the train because of all the road issues! Am I the only one that has wanted to scream, “I WANT TO GET OFF NOW” or “NEXT STOP!!!!”

Well, again, I’m writing this as the song Worn runs trough my head. The lyrics that keep replaying are, “I’m tired, I’m worn… My heart is heavy, from the work it takes to keep on breathing.” What a perfect description! But I’m not here to complain or tell you all the stuff going on. Or how my son can’t seem to climb out of this pit or come out of his winepress, or how my daughters don’t know a whole lot about being an adult or wife yet (one is already an adult). No, in the midst of this storm, I am writing to let you know that the “Eye of the storm” is where you want to be! Jesus is that Eye. Psalm 121 assures us of that just as Jesus does in John 14:27.

I am at a place of peace because I have given my kids to Him as well as their burdens I was trying to carry. The latest one? My son’s ex girlfriend being pregnant. That was a hard one to release because I kept sensing that she might be and kept giving warning of please stop or at least be careful to no avail. It’s heart breaking to say the least but I love my son regardless, am learning to love his daughters mom as she so desperately needs that (no matter how hard she fights to “take my place” in his life) and of course his daughter! Meanwhile I am having to teach my oldest things I was unaware I needed to (don’t know how I thought she would learn them) and develop my youngest’s burden bearing heart she has for people that was misdiagnosed by doctor mom as “drama queen”.

Jesus told us that in this world we would have trials but to take heart (be of courage) because He has overcome the world! That means we will too! He also told us to give Him our burdens and take on His easy one. Why can’t we do that? Why is it so hard to put down our burdens that weigh is down for an easy and light one? Because we are used to carrying them and we don’t trust anyone, not even Jesus, with them or because we start to feel “guilty” not carrying our “own load” as the world suggests we do. Well I’m pointing out that Eye in the middle of your storm for you. He is peace when there should be none! He is joy when that car should be emptied. His love is never ending! I never got that before. People would tell me that He loves me when I was struggling but now I know why! It’s because of that Love for me that I can rest in the storms of life. And so can you!

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2 responses to “Hard Battles (and Choosing Them)

  1. This was beautiful! I am so glad you stopped by Hope in the Healing so I could read this today. I know how difficult it is to raise children. And you never stop worrying or carrying THEIR burdens even when they are out of the house! But we will make it so much easier on ourselves if we let GOD do the carrying. I have went through similar things lately and even went on a long fast because I felt like I was “losing it”! But you know what, one of my sons kept telling me, “Mom, you are going to have to stop worrying! If you don’t let God take care of this you are going to have a nervous breakdown.” He was so right, worrying wasn’t going to change a thing. But giving it to the Lord would! So I did. I gave up trying to fix everything in my head and let God have my heart. What a relief! Did things change? No, not yet but I don’t worry any more. I gave it to HIM. Blessings to you friend…God is near! ♥

    • blessedfe says:

      Thank you so much!! I am so thankful that I am not the only parent going trough things!! It helps to know others have gone through because they can give encouragement and those who are going through because we can lift each other! I had to do the same thing with my three. For most of their lives it’s been just the four of us and I feel sometimes like we “grew up” together so coming to the teen and adult years has been trying. I had to be reminded the hard way by GOD that He is not just after my good but for theirs as well as they would not be home forever. I had to change gears and start allowing bad decisions and consequences happen, it was late in coming as I only wanted to save them but better late then never! I tot had to release them. GOD allowed it to get to a boiling point so that I could confess (and realize) that I did NOT trust Him with my kids! Whew!! But His mercy is so awesome and His grace is truly sufficient! He knew that it was just the beginning and has promised to be with US all the way!

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